Do you wish you could feel more peaceful most of the time? With all the stuff going on in our lives these days; the business of life and responsibility, it’s no wonder many of us feel overwhelmed and out of control. It’s hard to experience peace when the need to have control is high. Yet, what if we could have peace without feeling the need to control anything or anyone? What steals our peace is the “need” to control or being in a state of resistance.
Time and time again, I work with clients who have little peace because they are trying to maintain a sense of control and are not willing to surrender to what is.
Can you relate?
What are some things you are in resistance about? Maybe you are trying to control the behavior of your partner, your children or someone else? Perhaps you are resisting changes in your life? Or maybe there is a situation you don’t like and would like to change? These are all common scenarios most of us experience at some point.
So what to do about it?
I’d like to share with you my experience of my grandma’s surrender at the end of her life. I think it will help.
My grandma loved to travel. For several years, she would joke that each trip she took would be her “last hurrah”. After a while we learned to laugh and join in the playful nature she brought to these adventures. Actually though, it was her way of beginning to let go and accept that she would eventually die, possibly sooner than later. When she was 80, she would say, “I don’t want to live past 85.” When she turned 85, she would say, “Ok, maybe just till I’m 87.” It went on like that for years. When she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 90 years old, she said, “I want to go fast Justine”. She had mentally been preparing herself for years by letting go, even though she still lived life here in the now and with full joy and presence.
When her time finally came, she had fully surrendered. She was a teacher and planned exactly how she wanted to die, what she wanted for her funeral and she planned many aspects of her end of life experience… and guess what? She got almost exactly what she wanted. Not because she planned it, but because she manifested it in her heart and then let go of any attachment to it. She was able to surrender knowing she was surrounded by the love and support of her family. Her illness progressed quickly, with relatively little pain and she passed peacefully at home with her family by her side singing her favorite songs.
I believe it was because of her complete surrender that she died peacefully and quickly like she wanted. The moments before she passed looked no different physically than the moments after, other than she was no longer breathing. She looked so peaceful and it reminded me of the thin line between life and death. If there is any way to go, this is the way. She showed me and others in our family that.
I feel that surrender is the key to finding inner peace and joy. It’s not about giving up, it’s a letting go of resistance to something that can’t be controlled. There are many ways we give away our peace every day. For example, when we don’t say what we really want to say for fear of what others will think. What is one way you give away yours and to whom? Believe me, it’s normal so don’t feel bad. Just be aware that you do it and be willing to do something different.
The need to control (resistance to what is) is what causes the suffering. It’s not necessary to like or even agree with something in order to let go of the resistance to it. Instead of focusing on how you wish things were different, focus on what is working right now or what you appreciate about the situation/person, etc. It may feel difficult to do this at first because you have been so focused on what’s not working. With practice it gets easier, I promise.
This is a major mindset shift that will transform your suffering into peace.
Worth a try? I think so.
I’d love for you to share with me one thing that has been stealing your peace that you’d like to let go of. Go ahead, identify just one thing you’ve been trying to control or change that has caused you suffering. Share it with me now either as a comment on the blog or in an email to me at [email protected]. I really want to hear what you have been struggling with.
I’ll go first and share a personal story of struggle and triumph with you. One of my major struggles was with my children’s father. After we split up, I suffered a great deal because he wasn’t living up to my expectations of what a good father should be. He let me down again and again. I was angry and resentful that he wasn’t doing what I thought he should be. I held onto this for about 2 years. Then I learned tools that helped me release my suffering. I learned to change my perspective and focus on who he was being for our kids, rather than who he was not. This shifted everything.
By me making some mindset shifts and releasing what wasn’t working for me (the need to control the situation), I was able to find peace and harmony and that changed everything. Somehow he became that father I wanted for my children. Our relationship transformed into one of peaceful co-parenting and we lived happily ever after. Not really. We still have our challenges and it’s not all perfect, but it is way better than it used to be and most of the time I have peace and harmony.
I am still learning to let go when I get triggered or pushed off center. This is my journey and I know that I am at choice. It’s a constant re-choosing of how I want to feel and what I am committed to. Every day in every moment we have choice. I choose well-being and harmony for myself and my family. What are you choosing? What will you let go of in order to have that?
I’d love to hear. Please share. It would seriously make my day. Comment below or email me at [email protected]